I am taking as much agency as possible in my fight against these cancer-laced-body parts. I have to feel like I have some control over the situation, even in the small ways. Some of those actions include:

• Sound and vibration therapy – I invested in a Huso system – a vibrational frequency, human toning & world-class sound engineering patented system. A few times I day I put on wrist and ankle pads that are placed on major acupuncture meridians, and wear a fancy corded headset that streams healing tones that are organically sourced, uniquely calibrated, and transmitted throughout the entire body to deliver a total mind-body experience. You may have heard that some sounds and music can kill cancer, one of the highlight pieces of cancer-killing music is Beethoven’s 5th Symphony. This seems to be as much of a rumor as anything, but why not try all the things when faced with cancer? And I happen to enjoy Beethoven, so even if those pesky cancer cells continue to jam out to the tunes, I’ll be benefiting from some sound therapy anyway.
  • I’ve been sure to get in a lot of my other favorites too, who knows if they have an effect or not? On heavy rotation is a spotify playlist called My Friend the Forest which features a lot of tunes from Nils Frahm. I also really like Eric Satie’s Trois Gnoissiennes: I Lent. Other music treats have included Beyonce’s Cowboy Carter album and anything by Doja Cat (try Woman or Paint the Town Red). Then there is the transcendent Arvo Part’s Spiegel im spigel…
• Food and nutrition – Now food and nutrition aren’t as cut and dried as I imagined it would be when I started looking into foods that would give me the nourishment I needed to weather radiation and chemo. I found an old article in Harpers that talked about the benefits of fasting a few days before and after chemo. Upon further research, “Emerging evidence suggests that fasting could play a key role in cancer treatment by fostering conditions that limit cancer cells’ adaptability, survival, and growth. Fasting could increase the effectiveness of cancer treatments and limit adverse events. Yet, we lack an integrated mechanistic model for how these two complicated systems interact, limiting our ability to understand, prevent, and treat cancer using fasting.” I’ve been losing weight, and keeping food down and energy levels up has seemed more important to me during this time. I’m in active chemo treatments and will be starting radiation soon, so keeping what little energy levels up is my main goal. I started wanting to eat a vegan diet, but have since been incorporating in a bit of dairy…those cheeses! I was born in Wisconsin anyway, and most of my doctors tell me to eat what my body wants. I haven’t wanted many meat products, so I’m eating lots of small fruit, nut, and vegetable plates, along with copious smoothies. There are even anti-oxidants debates out there, which can really throw you down the rabbit hole of overthinking everything. Of course, anti-oxidants are good, right? Numerous cancer-fighting cookbooks that friends have been giving me toute the nutrition powerhouse values of things like broccoli and avocados, but then there are articles like this that say…wait a minute: Should I Avoid Antioxidants During Cancer Treatment? My current technique. Eat mostly fruits and veg, have a cup of coffee in the morning, drink lots of tea, and let things come naturally.
• Clearing clutter – Kirk and I have been living in our small Bend house for almost 15 years now, and even though it’s only about 900 sq feet, we’ve done a great job of stuffing every closet and shelving unit with the maximum clutter. My dresser drawers and closet has been a mess of too many t-shirts, pairs of carharts, workboots, hiking shoes, mismatched merino socks and such. I even had 5 bridesmaid dresses packed into the back of the closet from the late 90’s when highschool and college friends got married! Time to go. Nemo has been systematically going through the clutter with me and efficiently dropping it off at a donation center shortly after it leaves my sight. There is no time for nostalgia here, and my brain already feels more calm and peaceful when thinking about what pair of sweatpants I’m going to wear today. Oh yeah, I have invested in much more loungewear for my bed-ridden days. I might as well be comfortable! And a wonderful new addition has been a floor-length fleecy robe which makes me feel quite decadent. 
• To work or not to work, going on disability?? – A friend and one of my first yoga teachers in town , Pam, has been dealing with a similar cancer journey to me over the past year. I wasn’t engaged with her struggles right away last spring/summer when she was experiencing what I am now, but friends and conditions have brought us closer together and her wisdom and very applicable experiences are soothing and helpful. In fact, we have the same care team (who is comprised of people who treat us like individual, unique, and interesting humans. It’s fantastic! Some even started researching the Oregon Desert Trail and my thru-hiking background before I even met them. They talk to me as an important part of the team that will figure out the best way to attack and beat back this cancer, and that makes a world of difference). One of Pam’s kernels of advice was to consider applying for disability and not working. She is an environmental lawyer, a very important kind of work these days, but she ultimately decided that this first year to 18 months is so critical to keeping to body healthy, calm, and balanced with good inputs, exercise, great people, and thoughts, that she hasn’t been working. I started looking into what claiming disability will mean for me, and also chatted with my accountant, and I think I’m going to take a similar path. I am thinking about finishing up some contract work in February, and then will throw myself into the deep end of long hours to heal, sleep, read, meditate, and plan hikes (I’m particularly drawn to all the Caminos now! Perhaps later this year when I have the energy I’ll head out for a few weeks on a pilgrimage where I don’t have to carry much weight, the walking is relatively mild, I’ll meet people from all over the world, and I’ll immerse myself in cultures so rich that I will be filled up. I’ll be honest though, when I first thought about putting a pause on the businesses I started so recently, It made me cry. I have invested so much and 100% believe that the work I want to do will help all hikers and help get more people outside, which in reality is how we will heal the world, by helping people see they are a part of nature, not separate from it. Now though I imagine a forced long-term sabatticle like this could do wonders for my evolution in thinking about humans and nature, and if I’m centering walking and hiking in my treatment plan who knows what good ideas will come out of it when I’m ready to start earning a paycheck again? And to be honest, I have cancer. A cancer that’s going to need a lot of treatment and work. I have to give myself time to deal with this…so I’m not planning on closing either business, just keep them going, minimally.  I can’t make any money on disability, or at least at first, but maybe I can work for free or volunteer my time when something seems like a good fit? The monthly disability income is extremely modest (around $1,700), but I’ve been a dirtbag most of my life and Kirk and I think we can make it work.
• Ignore/or do my best to not worry about insurance – I’ve started getting bills from the week I spent in the hospital in Louisiana. When I talked to my insurance company they said because it was a life-threatening situation that the hospitals just needed to get credentialed with them, and the bills should be paid. I called up on a few new bills I received only to find out none of the Louisiana hospitals or doctors, or ambulances had billed my insurance, or even tried to get credentialed. This is frustrating because I had detailed conversations with all those people before I left the state, wrote out instructions on who to contact and how to get credentialed, and nada. WTF? My insurance company is going to try and help me call them to ask them to submit invoices, but why do I have to go to this level of work to deal with it? Having cancer is stressful enough, and I taxed out all my type-A personality techniques to make sure the Louisiana folks had what they needed so they could get paid, and now over a month later, nothing has happened. I’m trying not to let the blood-curdling dollar signs of dread fill my veins, but my heart quickens every day or so when I get a new bill notice. Yikes. I do think my insurance company will help me, but PLEASE, Oschner Lafayaffe General, if anyone out there is reading this, submit the freaking paperwork to get credentialed with Pacific Source so they can pay you please!
• Surround myself with friends – friends have started stopping by, bringing meals, book recommendations, and flowers and I am all about it! I have always gained energy from other people and this is no different. Oh sure, there are days when I just don’t have the bandwidth, but everyone so far has been understanding, and sure, the visits are sometimes short, a quick hour to chat and catch up….and I love hearing about how others are doing. I want to live vicariously through their ski trips or rafting adventures. I want to hear about the school plays and the latest doggie antics. Even though the scope of my life has narrowed quite a bit, I want to participate in life, and people bringing me bits of their lives to share is quite a gift. For those of you out of town, a friend has even offered up her guest quarters (which are VERY nice by the way), so even if you want to come for an afternoon visit, but driving all the way over from the valley or out of state seems too much for a short trip, let me know and I can put you in touch. I want to see more lovely faces as time and energy allow 🙂
• Walking – I’m not walking yet, but I will be! I’m thinking about walking all the time, and the only PT I can do since I can’t put any weight on my bones is flexing my leg muscles and rotating my ankles…so I’m doing that with abandon. My legs have never been so skinny, i’ve always had big meaty thighs that are really good at climbing mountains, so I’ll have a long way to go to work back up to those t-rex thighs, but I will, oh yes, I will!
• Staying positive – writing these updates, getting your cards and DMs and donations are all going into my bucket of optimism and positivity. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I know I can’t repay the kind of support I’ve been receiving through this, so I will do my best to pay it forward, I think that’s a recipe for a better life anyway, right? Harness the goodness that has come into your own life and spread it out to others around you. It can be infectious. Let’s blanket the world with love, gratitude, support, and kindness.